My sole defining impression this week, from my Wonderful World of Dating sounds a little like one of Cilla’s shows from the 80s.

In fact, having been raised on Cilla does anyone else feel a little irate that Holly Willoughby has stepped in to try to fill her stilettos, some thirty years later, Surprise Surprising us? So anyway, back on track, my main impression is that some people will remain single unless they allow themselves to ride the rollercoaster a little more.

You may have noticed (and if you haven’t, I’m going to congratulate myself a little anyway) that I have rather tried over the last few columns to avoid psycho-babble.

Very many people, when I tell them that I’m a fledgling column writer, urge me to read this theory, or this book, or this doctrine.

It seems that everyone has made a million dollars out of a self-help book about love but it shouldn’t need to be that complicated.

It should be a very simple affair – find someone you like – but we manage to complicate it each and every day.

So, I’d like to just condense and provide my own very simple, psycho-babble doctrine for one time only.

Firstly, and most importantly, like yourself or nobody’s going to even begin to like you.

There’s no way on earth you can get a partner you want, and then get their love to boost your own reserves – it has to be pretty full to begin with. This allows what I call the even seesaw of love – meaning that although both of you should feel delighted to have one another in your life, one of you isn’t overwhelmingly feeling like they’re out of the other’s league. I think it’s often the trickiest thing to maintain a happy balance in a relationship, particularly when you’re dealing with strong characters.

Improving the amount of love in your tank is such an easy thing and it’s something you can do today; put a mirror inside your wardrobe, write in lipstick on the top “You’re fabulous” and convince yourself it’s true each and every time you look in the mirror. It works, I promise.

Next, avoid rotting your brain, just sitting in front of the telly or slouching on the sofa – it’s never done any good for anyone, not even watching Cilla.

You don’t need to spend much money; in fact part of the charm is not actually spending money but seeing how much you can get to see for free.

Go to the Ashmolean, a gig or a cheap restaurant. But ensure you’re stimulating yourself and so making yourself more attractive to anyone around – you’ll visibly glow a little, and those scouting the market will notice it.

Thirdly, find someone who is good to you – life’s too short to put up with plonkers and sadly many men are plonkers.

I know this bit is easier said than done.

What’s more, there’s a huge need for a sensible way for men and women to meet which isn’t confrontational, isn’t alcohol-fuelled and isn’t somewhere with booming music. So, that’s, admittedly, the tricky part of all of this.

Then, finally, the most important part, just ride the rollercoaster of life. Imagine yourself on the world’s biggest rollercoaster, then enjoy the fact that it goes up as well as down. Each of the extremes can bring you as much satisfaction and education about yourself and about your emotions. You don’t want to get rid of the highs and lows, because that leaves you with a pretty useless rollercoaster. Similarly, don’t hold on too tight, don’t plan every minute detail, just let it flow and see what comes – it’ll make the whole experience more exciting.

 

It won’t come as a surprise to many of you when I admit that I and a few other mischief makers have spent the last 12 months doing our best to bring the Oxford Castle Quarter back to life.

Back to what it should be – essentially the most attractive Quarter of Oxford, the only place which is pedestrianised, away from oodles of language school students clogging up our streets and away from traffic and noise.

We had the Oxford Beach, 37 tonnes of sand, deck chairs and palm trees throughout the whole summer, we had beach parties, a 72 piece brass band from Copenhagen, actors, dancers and general activity making the place feel like the most exciting place in Oxford.

Well, this Christmas, from November 22, it’s going to finally complete it’s journey to becoming quite literally amazing – with a story about elves Ed the Elf, in particular, who has taken it upon himself to save Christmas and set about a very elaborate way of ensuring the process of snow-fracking can allow the sparkle from moonlight to be harvested into the global snow production process, whether it be for distribution to Moscow, Iceland or New York.

The story will show that if the elves are unable to produce snow for any reason, it’s a serious problem, and one which will need drastic action, for the sake of the whole world.

The Night of 100 Fires will take place on November 22 and will see activity all around the Snow Factory and every night thereafter until a solution to the problem is found – the worst outcome would be that Christmas would be cancelled.

Of course, the fires are going to mean that the location of Snow Factory HQ is revealed to the human public but that’s a small price to pay for the fact that Christmas can take place.

I just need to warn you that the elves will most likely be making themselves visible over the coming weeks, to ensure the humans are well aware of their plight and their efforts to ensure that Christmas can still take place.

If you want to pledge your support to the Elves then I’d ask that you follow @SnowFactoryHQ on twitter.

And keep an eye out for things which break elf in safety rules over the coming weeks throughout Oxford.

They elves are sure to make their presence known in Oxford like never before, between now and the Christmas period.

Editor’s note: Every 45 minutes (between 6pm and 10pm) from Light Night to December 8, there will be an animation on the wall of the Malmaison, followed by a five minute storm from a snow machine. There will be fires all round the Castle Quarter, mulled wine and Snow Factory Globes on sale to add to the atmosphere in the Castle Quarter.