What is the very personal telltale moment that says Christmas has arrived in your world?.

First mince pie? That’s no good – most of us have usually cracked open those Mr Kipling six-packs by October.

Call me a stickler for tradition but I don’t feel Christmassy until I’ve had a full day in bed with a hot Ribena, absorbing daytime telly as if I’m wired up to a festive drip.

The cocktail of laziness, an electric blanket set to toasty and (possibly) an epic hangover makes you the perfect captive audience for programmes that would normally scream “too cheesy!” or “too mind-numbing!” for you to give them time of day.

Life can be hard at this time of year, especially if you’re not the Christmassy type.

Booking off one day during which, after the frosty schoolrun, you have nothing more taxing to deal with than the random awkwardness generator that is Good Morning Britain followed by the deliciously soporific This Morning is my idea of bliss. If this sounds to you like a hideous waste of time, I beg to differ: try it and see if it doesn’t raise your festive pecker.

On Monday, I had the pleasure of seeing Philip Schofield dissolve in giggles while discussing his “festive nutsack”.

The ITV gang were, of course, showing viewers, in that trademark mellow-yet-surreal fashion, how to make wreaths and birdfeeders. Not big, not clever either, but daytime telly gold will dissolve any stress on those days when circumstances leave you way too mentally drained to follow the plot of Rastamouse. Why do you think most pensioners are so chilled?

Schofield comes from a sterling lineage of awkward middle-aged daytime telly anchors, filling the shiny shoes of my all-time favourite, Richard Madeley.

If you do one thing to cheer yourself up this Christmas, type “Who Said It: Richard Madeley or Alan Partridge” into your favourite search engine and see those golden nuggets. (All of the best ones are Madeley, such as “Railway graffiti crews – get some fresh ideas!” and “I really love ducks – they’ve always got a smile on their face”.) Top tip: if you are lucky enough to book a day off for a slice of festive daytime, do keep munchies close at hand. Food will be thrust at you from all angles, making resistance futile. Jamie’s Cracking Christmas taught me how to use up leftover panettone and croissants in a bread-and-butter pudding. Could this be the most Marie Antoinette-type recipe on telly? Yes. But it’s the lovely Jamie, so all is forgiven when that unctuous custard goodness oozes from the screen. Watching this, like the Hungry Caterpillar, I worked my way through a chocolate orange and the best part of a selection box and felt very sick afterwards.

Nigella used to be the voluptuous queen of Christmas entertaining but no one feels jealous of her lifestyle any more after all the dramas the poor woman has had to endure. So, check out Mary Berry's Absolute Christmas Favourites this evening, BBC2, 8.30pm, for more sensible fare. Other telly offerings sure to get you feeling Christmassy include Choir of the Year which screens on BBC4 tonight at 7.30pm with Gareth Malone and featuring our very own Oxford Gargoyles choir, followed by festive tingles at Canterbury Cathedral (BBC2, 9pm).

Nothing says Christmas like a film starring dearly departed comedy genius Robin Williams (family tin of Quality Street optional). Tonight, enjoy Dead Poets’ Society on BBC2 at 11.35pm.

Or set the record and switch to one of my all-time favourites Sightseers over on C4 at 11.40pm. If you like your comedy pitch-black, this murderously funny and squeamishly intimate British road movie by Ben Wheatley is sure to tickle your fancy... with or without the 6lb weight gain. But it’s Christmas, so why not?

  • Do you want alerts delivered straight to your phone via our WhatsApp service? Text NEWS or SPORT or NEWS AND SPORT, depending on which services you want, and your full name to 07767 417704. Save our number into your phone’s contacts as Oxford Mail WhatsApp and ensure you have WhatsApp installed.