I have something to tell you, babe, and you’re not gonna like it… "I know we’re supposed to be on a diet. But I’m in a hot dog-eating contest. With Death. And I’m about to lose…”

Try as you might, this is an intriguing sentence to overhear, right? It could be a Morrissey chorus. Or the opening gambit to a catchy Taylor Swift song… But, it’s not – this is a snippet from The Regular Show, one of the family-friendly nuggets that peppered our Easter holidays, and possibly yours.

No? You might well be one of those families I often meet in Oxford who "don’t watch television" (my father is one, and yet he has a strangely up-to-date knowledge of University Challenge and other random pensioner quizzes: go figure).

Suggest putting the telly on in some households and a parent might look at you as if you’ve surrendered your children to be raised by wolves (see Caitlin and Caroline Moran’s raw yet life-affirming Raised By Wolves on Channel 4), for the perfect antidote. But education and joy are yours for the taking if you channel the right screen delights.

A child of the 1970s (just!), I can’t be the only one who learned to read thanks to Sesame Street, can I? We watched with mother, and I now realise the logic: if you need a break from the mothering duties of book learning, cake-making, trampolining and crying (whatever era you find yourself in), you might as well switch on something witty, fun and colourful to keep everyone entertained.

Anyway, the 1970s are squirted all over our screens lately (thrillingly, even Mad Men is putting its flares on, which means I might finally catch up) and kids’ telly is no exception. And, if you don’t have Cartoon Network, you can catch Regular Show on Netflix, which is what I hear all the kids are doing nowadays.

What I deeply love about this Generation Z’s offering curveball cartoons (whatever your poison: Uncle Grandpa and Adventure Time are oddly great, too) is they can de-stress your frazzled mind in just a few seconds and are admirably gender-neutral.

Regular Show features an impressive serving of the absurd – time machines, British rock stars and snacking feature as primary plot devices, which perhaps tells you something about the preoccupations of its creators. There are many fraught domestic moments in my world that have been eased by a slice of Mordecai and the gang… But, talking about your fave children’s telly is a bit like someone talking about your dream the night before: soon people’s eyes glaze over and they’re lost in their own reverie, or you end up feeling ancient because your inner circle haven’t heard of Fingermouse.

But, anyway, Telly for the kids is an innocent delight when compared to the more traumatic scenarios playing out on First Dates. This Channel 4 fly-in-the-wall dating documentary is enough to keep you single forever.

Some of the blind daters are filmed making conversation so awkward you have to watch through your fingers. Witness Rory’s chitchat with the barman: “Nice waistcoat!” “Errr, technically, it’s a jerkin... I’d do anything for my leather collection. I don’t sleep with a woman, I sleep with a stack of cowhide” (nervous giggle).

Not to mention Anna from Croydon: a woman whose on-screen drunkenness is so extreme that it could sober up a taxi-load of Come Dine With Me contestants. This week on catch-up, Anna started by telling her date Simon – a shy and nervy bloke – "you remind me of a black or brown Phil Mitchell… or Bitchell!" before turning down dinner in favour of shots and throwing some shapes on the bar floor.

“There’s Dutch courage before a date and then there’s drinking all of Holland,” said Simon, glumly, when he delivered his verdict on their date. Give me a quick shot of cartoon déjà vu over the dating arena any day…