Marc West oils his whiskers and goes head-to-head with some hirsute competitors at event celebrating facial fuzz

So the saying goes, there’s nowt so queer as folk – and if the extraordinary variety of truly bizarre festivities that regularly take place all over Britain is anything to go by we must have some interesting people in these here isles.

Great Britain has always tended towards the bonkers. This eccentric kingdom harbours all manner of strange customs, weird rites and eccentric bohemians... if you know where to find them.

And, with town and gown co-habiting this ol’ city for more than a thousand years, Oxford has more than it’s fair share: May Morning, Beating of the Bounds and Merton Time Ceremony (Google them) to name a few. Now, another annual celebration of the alternative can be added to that list.

According to popular media, we’ve reached ‘peak beard’ and hipsters everywhere are reaching for their clippers in the follicle fall-out.

Fashion and facial hair have fallen out of favour with one another and beards, ‘taches and mutton chops could be in danger of being looked upon in the same light as (dare I say it)… the mullet!

However, one group of dedicated followers in OX4 is bucking the trimming trend and celebrating their prized growth in all its grizzly glory.

The inaugural Oxford Beard Festival welcomed devotees from all over the country sporting flamboyant handlebars, dazzling Dali’s and whispy whiskers to make even Napoleon III (Google him too) weep – all in the hope of snatching a coveted prize in this US-inspired competition of pogonotrophy.

Believe it or not, I too had been cultivating my own creation for the past few weeks, so not to miss out on all the fun.

My secret weapon is my friend Simon’s infamous homemade beard oil, which I’ve been applying daily to make my face fuzz as luxurious as possible in the hope of gaining a wild card entry into the “Partial” category.

I’d been tipped-off that minimalism might play into my hands, but maybe that was just a bluff from the other competitors?

Standing in front of the panel, my meagre man mane was judged in Top Trumps fashion for complexity, shape, style and pulling power.

I could see my fellow entrants nervously twisting their whiskers in anticipation of the results. Sadly, it wasn’t to be for me. I was pipped to the post by Nick Waghorn’s marvellous Imperial-style beard. But, with over a decade’s growth and even a nickname for his facial friend, he was by far a more deserving whisker winner.

This interesting addition to the bearding social scene is a friendly event where real ale and conversation flows, new friendships are made and (importantly) chosen charities benefit from fundraising and awareness. Despite the one-upmanship, it’s all about the taking part.

However, I plan a start now for my entry next year so watch this space...

Beard owners: Varsity Beard will be popping-up at Gloucester Green’s weekly market to fulfil all your beard, moustache and skin care needs. Their range of 100 per cent natural grooming products are designed to provide the ultimate in nourishment, conditioning and goodness.
varsitybeard.com