Looking back at all the nonsense that has reached number one at Christmas over the years got us thinking: surely there were better options? Then we looked at the Christmas number two singles and decided yes, yes there were.

1. Christmas Time (Don’t Let The Bells End)

The Darkness (2003)

Beaten by: Mad World – Michael Andrews & Gary Jules

Why should it have gone top?

In a decade on the cusp of being conquered by Simon Cowell, The Darkness dared to produce a classic British Christmas tune – an upbeat, bells-laden melody, coupled with ambiguously depressing lyrics. Mad World, on the other hand, was just depressing.

2. All I Want For Christmas Is You

Mariah Carey (1994)

Beaten by: Stay Another Day – East 17

Why should it have gone top?

Don’t get us wrong, we like Stay Another Day. But we also bet there isn’t a single Christmas playlist out there that doesn’t feature this song. It was also the third most streamed song on Spotify last Christmas Day.

3. Ice Ice baby

Vanilla Ice (1990)

Beaten by: Saviour’s Day – Cliff Richard

Why should it have gone top?

Because in 1990 rap was the future. Okay, so Vanilla Ice wasn’t exactly the future… but he was a hell of a lot more relevant than Cliff Richard. (Something the public proved when “Saviour’s Day” became the first Christmas number one to last only one week in the top spot.)

Oh yeah, and “ice” has a tenuous Christmas theme. We’re sure that was his intention.

4. Fairytale of New York

The Pogues ft. Kirsty MacColl (1987)

Beaten by: Always On My Mind – Pet Shop Boys

Why should it have gone top?

Oddly for a Christmas song, Fairytale of New York is genuinely good. It was the fifth most streamed song on Spotify last Christmas, and regularly wins the accolade for “best Christmas song ever”. Which says a lot about our festive psyche, considering it’s about substance abuse, suicide, and the squandered potential of life.

5. Last Christmas

Wham! (1984)

Beaten by: Do They Know It’s Christmas - Band Aid

Why should it have gone top?

We’ve no idea why Wham! chose to go up against Band Aid this year. George Michael even lent his voice to Do They Know It’s Christmas. But their ditty about lost love on a ski resort has stood the test of time – last year it was the most streamed song on Spotify on Christmas Day.

6. Blue Christmas

Shakin’ Stevens (1982)

Beaten by: Save Your Love – Renée & Renato

Why should it have gone top?

Because Renée and Renato were just abysmal. Plus this is the edgy, emotional counter-foil to Shakin’ Stevens’s much more famous Merry Christmas Everyone.

7. I Believe In Father Christmas

Greg Lake (1975)

Beaten by: Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen

Why should it have gone top?

It’s a real, underrated Christmas classic this one. Sure Bohemian Rhapsody is great, but it’s not very festive. And this song kind of has that epic-rock vibe covered anyway.

8. Santo Natale

David Whitfield (1954)

Beaten by: Let’s Have Another Party – Winifred Atwell

Why should it have gone top?

Who doesn’t love a bit of operatic schmaltz at Christmas? No? Well the 1950s did. Plus you get to learn a bit of Italian at the same time (admittedly only two words). It was beaten by a series of piano covers rolled up into one song.