Katherine MacAlister and family are left underwhelmed by the fare on offer to youngsters and grown-ups at the brasserie chain

I thought they really missed a trick at Cafe Rouge. Announcing their brand spanking new children’s menu, we rushed down to the Little Clarendon Street branch en famille for a suitably French déjeuner, only to find the same bog standard kids menu that you get everywhere else.

The only difference was they had French names, like “bangers et mash” or “le burger”. Not a bowl of moules or a tiny steak and chips in to be had.

It was a lost opportunity to get kids to try proper French food while they are still small. And even they could tell the difference.

Mine were quite disappointed. They wanted French food, they didn’t want normal food dressed up in a beret and given a false ‘Allo ‘Allo accent. They weren’t impressed either when their drinks – an Appletise and an Orangina – were served warm. “Aren’t they meant to be cold?” they asked. Well er, yes.

On being presented with “le menu pour les enfants” we then discovered the drinks we had ordered them weren’t on the kids menu at all, a pet hate of mine. Arm us with all the facts and menus and then let us choose.

Not a great start then even though Cafe Rouge has just finished a grand refurb and refit, with a party carrying on at the other end of the restaurant to celebrate it’s reopening.

I couldn’t really tell the difference. The menu was still the same, the decor very Cafe Rouge, the waitresses bored.

. We tried all the menus, including the Menu Rapide which runs from noon-7pm and ordered, still hopeful.

The kids crudités turned up way before starters, which presumably defies the point, meaning they had to wait for us to finish ours anyway. I tried the potage au cresson, a blue cheese, watercress and spinach soup which sounded delicious but was quite revolting. Mon dieu! The Camembert from the main menu was so overcooked that when you cut the breadcrumb case the juice ran out, leaving no discernible cheese behind, just empty shells, like a bolted French snail.

The moules from the main menu were better, but not served with any bread so you had to drink the juice from the shells. The omelette and frites would have had Raymond Blanc weeping into his vin rouge and only remarkable by tasting of absolutely nothing, despite the gruyere filling. The dressing on the green salad was similarly lacking piquancy.

The kids’ French odyssey continued with that famous cross-Channel dessert – ice cream covered in popping candy and marshmallows. Us grown-ups toyed with the chocolate and banana tart served with an unnecessary bowl of cold chocolate sauce – until we all gave up and went home.

Any positives? Le menu pour les enfants costs just £6.95 for three courses and a drink. The menu rapide £14.95 for three courses. That’s probably it.

Cafe Rouge
11 Little Clarendon Street, Oxford 
01865 310194 caferouge.co.uk/french-restaurant/oxford